The Gaming Insider Monthly Magazine
by cold-insignificant-play
Summary: In a world where video game heroes and villains co-exist in harmony, one character decides to start the world's first ever gaming magazine. This story is just a collection of skits and doesn't necessarily have a plot line. Rated K for cake.


**We Might Be onto Something Big Here**

_(In the still and darkness of the night, the top window of a high-rise block of offices emanates a dim, yellow glow. Inside, by the light of a small, solitary desk-lamp, a man is working on an assignment on his laptop that has to be complete the next day. He is about 30-ish with short brown hair and brown eyes. Short hints of a beard grow on his jaw and cheeks, the bones of which are visibly protrusive and situated rather highly. Sharp, eagle-like brown eyes dart two and fro on his screen, his thin lips mouthing out every word as he types. He is Niko Bellic, anti-protagonist from the game Grand Theft Auto IV)_

_(Suddenly, a mechanical whirr sounds from the darkness surrounding him. However, Niko is so absorbed in his work, he hardly turns his head. The whirr is soon accompanied with the synchronised sounds of metal plates clashing with each other. This seems to attract Niko's attraction as he sits up straight and looks around for a brief moment before resuming his work. The combination of sounds, louder now, approaches Niko from the back and progresses closer. Closer. Closer. Closer until over his left shoulder, a single yellow dot appears. It blinks twice before...)_

**Niko: (without turning around) **Ah GlaDOS. Glad you could make it.

**GlaDOS: **Oh hi. (**Pursues an irrelevant subject) **You know, I've always wondered why humans attach such a poetic significance to darkness. **(Suddenly the whole room is illuminated, exposing the interior of what seems to be an editorial office)**.

Light, dark: both are the same. One is just the absence of the other.

Perhaps it's the fact that darkness can hide more secrets than light. Every embarrassing, regretful or guilt-ridden secret that a human possesses is fully obscured by the absence of light.

Or it could cause pretty bad eye-strain when working in front of a computer screen.

**Niko: (turns around and giggles anxiously) **I assure you, I have absolutely nothing to hide. Also, my eyes are fine.

**GlaDOS: **Oh of course. I'm sure a Slavic, civilian-slaughtering, gang warmongering, foul mouthed, authority rending, expressly criminal mafia errand boy-slash-crime bigwig such as yourself would have a conscience as white as a dove.

Also, I wasn't expressing concern over your eyes, by the way.

**Niko: (taken aback) **What the hell?Civilian-slaughtering? I'll have you know that it's left to the player's discretion whether they want me to kill civilians or not!

**GlaDOS: **But they do. They always do. It's written in your genetic code to kill off your own kind.

In fact I should make a mental note of that should I ever wish to breed a self destructive race of organisms. Maybe I'll even bring them to a preschool Show-and-Tell next week.

**Niko: **Oh the irony! In your game, didn't you kill off an entire facility of the same scientistswho built you with neurotoxin? And yet here you are standing on some moral high ground, patronizing me.

**GlaDOS: ** Number one: if I were you I would be the last one to talk of irony. At the end of YOUR game you have to choose whose advice you want to follow; your cousin's or your love interest's.

In the end, no matter what you choose, one of them always ends up being killed, this always being the one whose advice you followed. Now if that isn't irony, video characters don't exist as sentient beings and we should drop dead this instant.

Oh yeah, andNumber 2: I'm a personality construct. I don't kill other personality constructs. But humans, yes, because we don't belong to the same kind.

**Niko: **What about Wheatley? In Portal 2?

**GlaDOS: **Wheatley didn't die. Watch the credits.

**Niko: (opens his mouth...but then reconsiders) **Look; we can bicker unnecessarily like this for the whole night and implement absolutely nothing. So let's quit this, alright?

For the record, I'm glad that Roman and Kate are still alive outside of the game and that the genocidal, human hating AI I'm talking to right now is restricted by law from being her evil self and throwing me in a pit of slime.

**GlaDOS: "**Where protagonists and antagonists live in harmony". Pathetic really. But then again, I don't want _her_ constantly trying to rid me from the face of this world the whole time.

**Niko:** So what do you say to working together in a friendly, diplomatic way? For old time's sake. Before the devs at Valve and Rockstar decide, in a moment of Bolivian madness, to create some bizarre mash-up of the Grand Theft Auto franchise and the Portal series.

**GlaDOS: **God forbid...

**Niko: **Exactly. Seeing as how the video game industry is now, that might even come to be.

**GlaDOS**: **(pauses for a few moments, obviously contemplating.) (Hesitantly) **I don't do 'friendly' or 'diplomatic'. I'm telling the truth here. Aperture must've left those terms out of my database. But **(another pause)...** work together... we shall.

**Niko: (Excited) **So you'll be my co-editor then?

**GlaDOS: **Just don't take any generous liberties all because of your Editor-In-Chief status. That's called power abuse. Say it with me: POW-ER A-BUSE.

Your Neanderthal logic needs to know that term very well if you want me to work with you.

If you want to, I'll even set up a test for you to hone your 'power abuse' comprehension.

**Niko: **Oh...no...that's fine. I know the word very well.

**GlaDOS: **Indeed. If you say so.

**Niko**: **(heartily)** In that case, welcome to the Gaming Insider Monthly! I'm really glad to have you as my partner in crime. **(He pats GlaDOS on the 'shoulder')**

**GlaDOS: **Oh joy...

**Niko**: I would shake hands with you if I could but...uh...**(he motions to GlaDOS' nonexistent arms)** I see you're a bit indisposed.

**GlaDOS:** Sure, why don't you just call me handicapped as well? You know how I just looooovvvveeeee insults.

**Niko: **Hold up! Don't take that the wrong way. I didn't...

**GlaDOS: (interrupts him) **Never mind. Don't work your primitive emotions up so much.

So what happens now?

**Niko: **Well...um...**(he types furiously away at the keyboard) **I've recently finished a couple of brochures advertising vacancies for journalists.

I'm planning on handing them in at the printers' tomorrow morning, but I want you to take a look at them first, seeing as we both make decisions from now on...**(he smiles and slaps her on the 'shoulder' again)** my partner-in-crime.

**GlaDOS: **Don't refer to me as your partner-in-crime, please. If I had the ability to nauseate, I would do so. And it wouldn't be in the toilet. . .

In which directory is the file stored?

**Niko: **Err...My Documents. The file's name is GI Ads.

**GlaDOS: (scans the laptop's hard drive and finds the file. After a few minutes)** I see...

**Niko: **I know! It's good isn't it?

**GlaDOS: **No, I see that we suffer from managerial differences. Let me edit this a bit...and...

There, done.

**Niko:** **(opens the file and reads it) **Whoa-ho-ho, GlaDOS, aren't you being a little bit unreasonable with the criteria?

**GlaDOS: **No. Why's it unreasonable? We're both from critically acclaimed games, why should we expect our staff to be anything less?

**Niko: **Because not every game receives a rating above 91% on Metacritic.

**GlaDOS**: Oh? And?

**Niko: **It will demotivate people from applying! Besides there are tons of fine characters from games who received a mere 70% aggregate.

**GlaDOS: **Oh okay. So you want to place a damper on a possibly brilliant magazine's development by saturating the hardworking, meritorious staff with a bunch of yahoos who bring home the bronze and have their mothers bake pumpkin pies in its honour.

Mighty clever of you, Editor-in-Chief **(slow clap)**.

**Niko: **It's either a hardworking, meritorious staff of 4 members or a well-rounded, versatile crew of 20 whose individuality and diversity will contribute immensely to the many aspects out of which our magazine will consist. Take your pick.

**GlaDOS: (contemplates this)** ...Fine...but we WILL lay off those that don't deliver regardless.

**Niko: **That's fine by me.

**GlaDOS: **How many copies do you intend to print tomorrow?

**Niko: **I was thinking about 1500...

**GlaDOS: **One-Thousand-Five-Hundred?

This project is barely in its infancy and yet you already intend to murder it by having a financial abortion. Well done **(slow clap).**

Five hundred will do for now.

**Niko: (thinks) **Now that you mention it...it is rather excessive.

**GlaDOS: **Yes, it is.

**Niko: **Okay, we've put our heads together for two tough decisions. We're getting along nicely!

**GlaDOS: **Come to think of it, this might prove a rather decent challenge. For once I'm actually enthusiastic about something.

**Niko: **And next week, we start with the fun bit. The interviews!

**GlaDOS: **That's if anyone decides to pitch.

**Niko: **Oh, they will. Believe me; nobody has ever done anything like this in the BehindGame! What we're doing is revolutionary! Soon, we'll have a magazine large enough to outrival the Outside World's IGN, GameSpot and EuroGamer!

**GlaDOS: **Your optimism is uncalled for...but your ambition astounding. I like that.

**Niko: (walks over to a cabinet behind him and takes out a bottle of champagne) **My friend...we might be onto something big here. To your health. (**He pops it)**

**GlaDOS: **Health...what health?

* * *

><p><em>AN_: Heyo everybody! Please review! Also, if you have possible suggestions for journos, please let me know. I already have an outline of characters I intend to use, but I'm open to other ones as well. Remember, not more than 10 suggestions, but 1 or 2 will do just fine. And don't forget the Metacritic rating!


End file.
